I’m whizzing down the freeway in my minivan with a knot in my stomach. I’m approximately 3.5 minutes later than I’d hoped to be to pick up my son from school. If I don’t get there soon, that dumb Land Rover will take the last spot in the lineup and I’ll have to park two streets over and get out of my nicely air-conditioned minivan and hoof it up the hill. Ugh.

My exit is fast approaching and I can see the traffic light at the end of the off-ramp. It’s GREEN! That will buy me at least 90 seconds and probably enough time to beat the Land Rover! My heart pounds as I accelerate. I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath.

Just then a Camry absent-mindedly and EVER SO SLOWLY cuts in front of me on the off-ramp. I am forced to break and slow to the actual speed limit. I lay on my horn as the light switches to yellow and then red. NOOOO!!!!

Let’s take an alternative look at the facts of that day:

1. I’m driving a minivan with air conditioning down a freeway with no traffic.
2. I’m going to pick up my beloved son from his awesome school filled with people who have been pouring love and knowledge into him all day.
3. I was a tiny bit later than I like to be because I was having a deep and meaningful conversation with a dear friend that I adore.
4. I’m going to make it to school in plenty of time – I’m not even going to be late.
5. Yes, I’ll probably have to park further away and get out of my car, but I’m wearing a FITBIT on my wrist that counts my steps and the short walk to the front of the school would likely get me to my goal.
6. The lady in the Land Rover is actually a lovely human being with a toddler and needs that parking spot more than I do.

Why is it so difficult to keep the perspective that even though life is full of challenges, life is also filled with great things that ought to make us happy almost all of the time? It’s called The Negativity Bias.

The Negativity Bias refers to the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (being late, getting cut off, missing the desired parking spot) have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than do neutral or positive things. Here’s why: Imagine you are stepping out of your front door and see your beautiful rose bush. But last year you saw a hungry tiger behind that same rose bush. You will probably never look at that bush the same way again. Instead of enjoying the fragrant and lovely blossoms, you will be wary and vigilant every time you walk out the front door. If you make a mistake and think there is a tiger behind the bush and there isn’t one, no big deal. But if you make a mistake and think there is no tiger behind the bush, but there is one? Well, the consequences are a bit more grisly.

Our brains are wired to be supersensitive to apparent threats. But here’s the thing. These days there is almost never a tiger behind your rose bush and modern threats will almost never kill you. Your brain doesn’t know that. It’s still preparing you for the fake tiger by flooding your body with adrenaline and cortisol, readying you to fight or flee – making you more likely to yell at your spouse or lay on your horn. Over time, this unnecessary stress can give you many health problems, cause depression, and make it difficult to form satisfying relationships. The reactive, “fight or flight” setting in the brain is not beneficial to solving modern threats. The clear-headed, non-reactive setting of the brain is required to overcome challenges today.

There are ways to overcome the negativity bias and feel happier more of the time! Consider trying one of these tips:

1. When you feel stress coming on (heart pounding, fists clenched, holding your breath) know that you have entered that reactive, fight or flight, setting in your brain. Just being aware of this fact will help you begin to regulate. Then take a deep breath.
2. Laugh at the silly paper tiger. You guys, I was wearing a Fitbit, for heaven’s sake!
3. Keep a gratitude journal and marvel at how many more roses there truly are in your life than tigers.

For more information on this topic, pick up the excellent book by Rick Hanson called Hardwiring Happiness.

Farming tip:

Finish pruning spring-flowering shrubs by midmonth.